The fear of loss // June 7, 2023
My husband hadn't felt well for a few days. He'd had terrible congestion and felt absolutely miserable. The good news is that he's getting better, resting well, and taking care of himself. The bad news is that I am probably the only woman walking the planet that wishes her husband was a little bit needy. This man is so strong and independent that there is absolutely nothing I can do for him while he's sick. Can the normal women all say AMEN?! Ha!
So, where did I find myself? Oddly enough, afraid. I couldn't put my finger on what it was that was causing me to feel that way. I knew he would be fine. I totally trust the Lord for physical healing and, as I already said, Walter takes great care of himself and uses wisdom when healing. What was causing these feelings of fear? Well, if you know me, you know that my favorite thing to instruct my clients to do is Assess, Accept, Adjust. Assess all aspects of your situation - how you're being affected, what's being affected, what are the benefits, the detriments, any specific components of the situation you're assessing. Next, accept. Accept then what needs to happen. What do you need to face head on as your reality so that you can then make the adjustments that are needed. Adjust your attitude, your outlook, your perspective, your expectations, dial down your overthinking, make a phone call, write a letter...whatever needs to take place as an adjustment to what you assessed and accepted. This process brings your otherwise crisis situation to a healthy position to grow from, walk toward.
So I did just that. I assessed. My realization is that I was fearing loss. I felt disconnected from him and saw that there was really no need for me in his current circumstance. It's not like I was afraid he was going to die from chest congestion. I just felt that nagging fear that I was losing a connection, losing a position of feeling essentially needed. Sounds silly and yet it's the truth.
I had lost my first marriage, lost my mother, lost a serious relationship many years later, and even in my relationship with my amazing husband now, we had a period of time before our relationship was confirmed and we were married that we were apart. Loss. Nothing hurts worse to me than someone I love no longer being in my life or the access I have to them being taken. My daughter moving to college was a loss at first (thankfully, working through my AAA process brought me to a beautiful place of being able to allow her to grow). My best friend moving back to her home state was a loss. I realized that I had been feeling this awkwardness due to fear of losing once again. I didn't trust myself to just step back, understanding he's just feeling like garbage. I found myself in a quandary of anticipating some type of loss.
I am reading a book by John Bevere that is changing my perspective on so many issues. The chapter I just finished is entitled The Fear that Eliminates Fear. He teaches all about fearing the Lord and TRUSTING Him to know what's best for us, to follow His plan, to trust His guidance. If He brought it into your life, it won't be removed unless and until He deems it needs to be removed. And if that ever happens, He has a plan that outweighs what you would consider the loss. He always has a plan. There is always a reason and a result. He has a plan for your life; you need only to trust it.
When we trust Him, we don't anticipate loss. We settle into the understanding that for every loss, there is a hidden (or sometimes obvious) gain. God doesn't punish us. He doesn't hurt us on purpose. He doesn't set out to teach us a lesson by making us experience sadness or fear or loss or depression. Life can wield those emotions due to the way we react to what comes across our paths, but if we truly learn to trust Him and fear Him - we won't fear what life brings out way. We will walk in the confidence that a few days of someone being legitimately distracted has nothing to do with us; it doesn't automatically equate a possible loss. Instead we can focus on praying for them and being on standby, ready to jump in wherever we're able to assist in the healing process.
If we're going to fear, let's fear (be in awe) of our Savior. Let Him fill our voids, bind our wounds, settle our fears. He's got us, if we stay in His hands. Learn to walk in the confidence of your identity and security being grounded in who you are through Christ - not what someone does or doesn't do. Be secure, be sure, be confident in Him.