I wake up some mornings feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on. It's a good overwhelm, if there is such a thing. It's a comfort for me to know that the minute I lay down the events surrounding the latest BIG thing going on in life, there will be something new to pick up and work towards. I like feeling busy and knowing there is always something around the corner to keep me occupied. But often I wonder if I should be resting. Why do I always need something substantial to be going on? Oddly enough, there are times during those busy events that I'll find myself longing for some down time; some quiet, front yard swing time. And yet when I get there, I find it difficult to stay put for long. Seems my attention always turns to what I could be, should be, would be doing if I wasn't just sitting there. Rest or run?
When I'm busy, I want quiet, calmness and stillness. When I'm still, I want action. Seems it's difficult to find the balance. I've always hated that word...balance. It always screams at me as if I'll never measure up. I'm a pendulum swinger. There doesn't seem to be anything exciting at the middle position in life's happenings. One morning I decided to look up the Webster definition of the word balance.
Balance, noun - an even distributor of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady
Balance, verb - keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall
Actually reading the definition of balance has truly affected me. What I'm hearing is that running needs occasional rest to be able to maintain stamina; and that resting needs an occasional run so that it doesn't become stagnate. Do I dare believe I can run and rest and that both are equally healthy and necessary? In order to remain upright and steady, I need to be sure I take the time to balance my time. In order to remain in a steady position so that I don't fall, I have to have balance. It gives me permission to stop apologizing to myself for the things I believe I SHOULD be doing. If I want to rest, I may. My world won't fall around me if I sit for a while. If I want to run, I may. I don't have to apologize for enjoying being challenged and busy. I can embrace BOTH! It doesn't have to be a choice between the two, but rather making sure I include both in my daily choices.
Every day I make myself walk out into my yard and sit on the swing. I do my best to focus on the purpose of the swing and just relax. (I have a few rude neighbors who refuse to speak, but that's for another post!) Often at night, I grab my daughter, some pillows and blankets and we hit the driveway to lay down and look up at the stars. I let all the craziness go and I just breathe. I am learning to embrace the down times as gifts, rather than times that cause me to feel down. During my busy, running moments, I find the challenge is exciting rather than overwhelming. I find the balance. I find the way to evenly distribute the worldly weights so that I can remain upright and steady in my purpose...putting myself in a steady position so that I do not fall.
Rest or run? A little of both.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!